For many people playing roles is a natural way of living. In a world where everyone wants you to be someone else, you constantly transform yourself to whatever the others want to see, like a chameleon. And of course this temporarily raises your self-esteem. And I say temporarily because high self-esteem based on external conditions is not real, it’s not stable.
This is exactly the problem of the playing roles attitude; it is the result of low self-esteem. If you feel good about yourself you don’t need to play a role, you don’t have to show that you are someone else.
And since we talk about relationships. Playing roles is the worse thing you can do in there.
Relationship is an interaction between YOU and someone else, either this is a friend, a relative, a business partner or a lover. So if YOU are not there and you have a mask on your face in order to impress or just to feel accepted, then it is not your relationship and it is not going to last for long.
You have to try hard in order to stay as the role you play. You have to remember the lies you said, the attitudes you adopted in every case, and you have to remember which personality you suppose to be for every person you meet.
The worse part is that you will live all the time in the fear that someone will expose your real identity. What you don’t know is that subconsciously everybody knows your real identity.
I know that often we admire some people for their energy, their great personality, always happy, always having fun, always powerful. If you see them in private moments though, you will see the difference. You will realize that they exhaust themselves in order to be what they show they are.
And how can you recognize that someone (even yourself) plays a role? You will hear them judging a lot. In order someone to keep the high position that the role is offering, the others have to be lower in value, therefore judged and criticized.
Playing roles is not strength it is weakness. If your relationships don’t last long, if you feel insecure every time you are with people, if every moment with the person you love is a moment of fear of being exposed, then you need help. You need to get rid of lifetime patterns telling you that YOU are not good enough so you need someone else to represent you. And if, after your real personality returns, the people you thought are close to you run away, then they were there for the role and not for you.