Sacrifice is considered to be the ultimate prove of love anyone can offer. Music, literature, movies, fairy tales, art in general, but also religion and tradition talk about the sacrifice using the most inspired words.
But is it like this in reality?
My experience is completely different. Sacrifice is a tool for bonding people, for making someone belong to you.
See all the parents what did they sacrifice for their children and what do they want from them afterwards.
Remember also the phrase “I gave you the best years of my life” and think what does this person want in return.
Sacrifice creates guilt. “I gave you so many,” means, “you gave me much less or nothing”. “I want nothing in return,” means, “I want you to feel guilty” or “you are worthless”.
The most important, all these clichés mean “I am better than you” or “you don’t deserve my kindness”.
As I mentioned in previous roadblocks, guilt is not a good base for a relationship of every kind, especially of a romantic one.
There is absolutely no need for sacrifice in any kind of relationship. The meaning of a relationship is “I accept you exactly as you are” and not “I want you to change (sacrifice) so I can take you” or “if you stay like this I will have to sacrifice”. If changes have to occur then there is no meaning in this relationship, it is a conditional love, if love at all.
Now you may ask what happens in extreme cases, like sickness or disability of every kind.
Of course you can go on being with this person that needs you, if you do it out of love. If you don’t have to stop your life you can find every little, or big, opportunity to have joy and share it with this person.
If you need to sacrifice, let someone else do it. Or else you will just avoid living your life and you will use this disabled person as an excuse for this, trying to feel and show superior and making this person feel bad for stopping your life and freedom.
For many highly sensitive people (hsp) sacrifice has a special meaning. As children they were “too sensitive”, which means that they experienced the need to be different, in order to be accepted, from their early years; and also the heavy weight of parents sacrifice, having to accept them as difficult children.
Children are helpless when facing this behavior, because they have no alternative.
Remember the tag line? “And not even a thank you!”
Well we can say it in advance: “Sacrifice? No thank you!”